it's just me..

GRADUATION

2009-04-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

oh my god, graduation is coming up soon and i got nothing to wear..
i am freaking out right now..
not only hvae i got nth to wear, i got o idea wad to wear also..
i am seriously freaking out soon..
graduation is like in a wks time or so..
and i haven't figure out if i shud wear a high-waisted skirt with a top or a long sleek black pants with a blouse and high heels..
i nvr knew tt going for graduation can be so stressful..
okie la i lready went through it during my sec sch graduation..
tt one was simple coz the theme was white..
but this is office wear..
so must wear nice2..
must show tt i ma pretty..
wahahaha, wad the hell..
hmm, shud bring mama out for shoppoing but on this weekend..
i'll be working at a maternity shop and vivo..
i dun mind working there but the travelling expenses is not cheap at all..
this is so stressful man..
headache..
must stop up $20..
hope i can get a part time job there..
oh ytd shahcalled me up and said tt there's a big news abt our camp company soi am hoping it' s a good thing..
i can't slp properly last night..
i dreamt tt fadillah was with hazrul..
haha, tt was funny..
think NADZIRAH think on wad u want to wear..
so at least went to go out shopping i already the things to buy in my head and i wun buy unneccessary things tt is not important..
plus i'm in office now,so i can cheack online on wad office can i wear..
ooo, boss not in and my work ins done..
yeah, smart nadzirah..
haha, i sound like a crazy woman talking to myself..

LONELINESS!!

2009-04-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

as u all noe tt i nvr really bother abt me being single and not having bf and all..
but lately i am feeling super lonely on the inside..
i nvr felt like this ever b4..
like everywhr i go, i am surrounded by ppl hu are in love..
wad can i do abt it?
i can only look and stare and be jealous abt it..
even the fattest guy tt i noe hu is hidayat found someone to love..
wad abt me??
dun anyone wants me??
fuck it i sound so desperate..
even my sister say this to me,"ur just not the type of committed kind of girl u dun noe how to stick to one guy, u will jump to different guys."
wah, ur very own sister saying tt, i am damn hurt, but i just kept quiet..
i did nth, just kept quiet..
i am no longer in my teenage life, tt life is over..
i am turning 20 and i dun want to be wasting my time changing bf like i am changing my underwear..
maybe it"s just not my time yet..
so now, i just have to get myself into to move on everyday with the life of love birds ard me everyday..
FUCK IT!!

p.s: i am living in a pit hole!!

DEPRESSED!!

2009-04-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

tell me hu wudn't be envious of those hu acutally gets into poly?
i noe i ma but i can control it..
but i just can't stand my aunt's and uncle's from my dad side..
there are the most annoying species creatures on earth..
they keep on asking me y i didn't manage to get into poly, or y i must scarifise my studies for my sister or do i regret not getting into poly..
wad's there ot regret abt..
if it's not meant to be urs, den it just isn't..
they are not in my position so they dun understand wad am i going through..
not everyone is fortunate enough to have parets to be able to pay for their skul fees..
i dun want to be using my daddy's CPF..
i am not stupid..
i dun want to use my daddy CPF, coz i noe i have to pay back his CPF once i start skuling..
plus my daddy's is old and i think by the time his CPF comes out, i rather let him use the money to send him to Haj
i think tt wud be the greatest gift for my parents..
i noe certain shildren dun think abt all this, but it has always been my parents drream and wish and hope of going there one day..
money nvr drops from the sky..
u have to earn it, to feel the reward..
but now, even to find a job is hard..
ppl say it's best to study now, but whr is my daddy suppose to find money..
he is already paying for my sister uni fees which cost him abt 3k plus every 6 mth..
i have a heart and i dun feel right if i were to go and continue studying..
but at the same time i, myself is deprovong myself from having a futher education..
wad am i suppose to do???
i am so lost..
i dunno wad i shud be doing..
shud i work?
shud i study?
shub i be working and studying at the same time??
haiz. god only noes wad i be doing next..
i feel so lost and lonely now..
i feel ike i have no one to turn too other than u my bloggie..
i hate all this stupid feelings..
plus it getting a toll on my body..
i am falling ill..
my thorat hurts like hell and i sound like a FUCKING GAY!!
stupid cough is making my vioice sounds like fuck..
well, i just hope my life will get straighten out soon..
it's really making my life a living hell..

p.s: i saw my eye candy today and his name is Zul, thanks to yat hu noes him.. but just found out tt his a playboy.. dunno how true, but i do want to get to tnoe him, but i am to shy to be making any first move, i noe all my friends can help me, but i dun want to die of embrassment infront of him or when i meet him.. BTW, he's handicapped.. but fucking good looking and damn nice smelling..hahah, i sound sick..

it's been long

2009-04-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

it's been really long, abt one mth lus since u updated my blog..
haha, i just dun have the time or energy or i just totally to update it..
well, just to summarise my life now..
i am becoming acamp instructor and i just got back from a 5D4N camp..
i am totally damn tired and sleeply, i cna slp anywhr i want to nowdays..
i got both my ite and poly result..
pass my ite but didn't manage to get into poly..
it's totally fine, i dun feel upset or anything..
i just to start looking for a private dip in either business admin or early childhood..
currently jobless, am finding a job now..
so tt's it..
tt's y life now..
i think i will nvr get myself a bf till i turn 21 or older..
it sounds random but wad the hell..
i just flirt with any guy tt i want and rnjoy it while it still last..

p.s; this is the sad story of my life..

MUGGING!!

2009-02-24T05:59:00.000-08:00

exams is less than 3 wks and i am so freaking out..
i haven't really memorise anything for auditing and next wk monday is my test and my teacher expect me to get an A for it?
wahahaha..
fat hope man..
tt will nvr happen..
if u give me my notes den i can get an A for you..
auditing is all abt theory and only a small portion of practical..
accounting is fine coz i noe wad i am suppose to do and i noe i can do it..
but auditing is giving me more headache den any other subject tt i've done through out my almost 2 yrs in ITE taking accounting..
i am like having problems with my body..
my body system is going crazy..
too much is happening tt i can't eat, sleep or sometimes breath wel..
plus the weather these days are not really helping..
it's so bloody hot, but the last 2 days was raining..
i rejoice everytime it rains..
now i a taking a short break b4 i continue studying..
i will start burning my mid night oil till the 10th march coz 11th mar is my last paper and after tt i will be the most happiest girl o earth..
i so need a break from skul and studying..
but after skul ends means i need to find a work FAST!!
i'm hoping tt i can get the job at cisco but as a admin girl la..
not becoming a police officer..
wahahah, me officer??
tak dpt ah..
but nvrmx, just gonna send out my resume and see wad kind of job i gets..
i can't thihnk of anymore to blog abt..
i will end here b4 i go crazy thinking wad else to blog abt..
see u ard..
love u..

PRE-GRADUATION!!

2009-02-24T05:58:00.000-08:00

PRE- VALENTINE'S DAY!!

2009-02-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

vday is right ard the corner and i'm dateless..
how sad is tt..
i did have a date, see the word did..
it means used to but it's not gonna happen..
he told me tt he can't go coz he has to attend his ocbc briefing and after tt go to his friends house for his FYP..
oh man, i just miss him alot..
i can't stop myself from thinking abt him..
some ppl say to just forget him but others say to ive him a chance and wait to see the result..
but how long am i suppose to wait for him?
ill i get old and all pruney?
but nvrm..
i'm still waiting coz i really wanna see his progression..
but today was like heaven to me..
i was surrounded by SUPPER HOY MALAY GUYS in office attire..
they are like to die and drool for..
i am so glad tt i took care of the photo booth..
hey it's $1 per pic, so cheap and duh ppl wanna take pic..
oh my god, i was just smiling and laughing as all this guys come and surround the table..
but i was really attracted to this super tall, nicely built guy, wearing gray long sleeves and black pants..
his hair was a bit messy but it fits him well.
he is really cute and handsome at the same time..
nice captivating smile tt just melts my heart..
they took 6 shots which means tt i got more time with him..
but instead his other friend which sally was attracted too sat beside..
he is handsome but too bad he took drugs and have AIDS..
i felt like as if i was a princess..
hot, cute, handsome and charming guys surrounding me..
sitting very close, wanna take pics with me..
sempat lagi mintak no and all..
ask for me give me something else..
kasi duit but mintak no..
haha, but nvrmx la..
layan kan aje budak2 mcm dorg..
u have to flirt abit with this king of guys so tt ur sales will be better..
and it works..
i use my charm to get them take more, so i have more money..
hehehe..
man, this mats are so cute when u layan them..
wahahah..
i so love today..
will always rmbr it forever as i feel like a princess, with all her hot royal guy subjects surrounding her..
hehe..

MESSED UP!!

2009-02-03T06:09:00.000-08:00

things are so messed up..
everything is messed up..
ppl around me are acting strange..
esp seha and fatin..
i dunno wad i did or wad we did wrong to them..
just the sudden quitness and shutting us out from urself..
i mean i do have problem and there is nothing wrong to share with anyone of us here..
i thinnk we be more than happy to help u out in ur prob..
i mean by u just keeping quiet, it's really making us feel so horrible and at the same time irritated at u..
wad i mean by irritated is tt not knowing the reason y and u like just keeping quiet makes us feel so shity on the inside..
come on la, we're old and mature enough to tel us ur problem..
if u dun tell us, how wud we noe and i un want to be the bad guy in this story..
no point forcing if u dun wanna share..
tapi tak pe la..
if u feel tt we're just not the kind of ppl u want to talk with, den it's fine..
just as long as ur happy both on the inside and outside than i am happy for u..
but all i ask is for u not to treat us like tt..
keeping quiet and like so called ignoring us..
it's like only 4 wks left of skul i really dun want anything to happen to our friendship..
my mind is so messed up..
so many things to do and think..
skul, future, friends, and a whole lot more..
i think wad hasif say to me is true..
i think i need to soften abit..
i can't forever be so hard headed and cold hearted..
maybe i shud give ppl ard me second chances..
i mean i wud and might and will hurt some ppl ard me but hey, changes are for my own good..
just tone down abit and i think things might change for the better..
maybe give a second chances to khai..
haiz!!
i really hope the mess in my head will get cleared soon and i will have a clear mind as exam is really ard the corner and i have to start studying for it..
and afiq cut his hair today and a new hair style..
i think it looks nice on him..
not bad.. :)

UGLY!!

2009-02-01T05:45:00.000-08:00

i think i am the ugliest, hedious looking girl on the planet earth..
i dunno y but i just feel so ugly..
ppl keep on asking me abt the pimples on my face..
they keep on asking y is my face is so full of pimples and my mum's fae is clean..
well, i'm sorry tt i am not as pretty and clean looking like my mum..
CB SIA!!
like just stop comparing..
sorry tt my hormones ust wanna produces pimples instead of something else..
y does my face bothers ppl so much..
y not u bother abt ur own face or ur own kids..
it's my fucking face for god sakes, just let it be..
den u expect me to put on bloody fake thick make up on my face and i feel like as if i'm someone else?
like no way..
putting on make up to cover up ur impurities makes it even worst den ever..
u'll have more pimples den ever..
i dun need make up to cover all tt coz i accept tt i have pimples and not afraid to show it..
live with it..
u have pimples just live with it..
yes u may go for treatment but dun bother abt other fces..
it gets fucking annoying..
like as if ur faces nvr had pimples b4..
KNNCCB!!
and one more thing..
do i have the look of a minah?
do i?
y is it when boys hu wanna disturb m is all the mats and not those normal decent looking guys..
oh come on la.. FUCK AH
i dun even look at mat reps..
they can just jump into the pond..
i hate mats and will nvr be with a mat as a bf..
friends can but not bf..
dun think they can handle me being their gf..
ARGH FUCK AH!!
THIS IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING..
JUST GET OFF MY BACK ABT MY FACE OR EVERYTHING..
to add on to my depression, seems like all my cuz of nieces hu are way younger than i am already have a bf..
and they are like 4 to 5 yrs younger than i am..
hello i am turning 20 and still there's no one come knocking on my door..
there's just no more those special individual normal decent looking guys out there..
all the guys now must find girls with looks and body.
dun have this 2 tak pandang pun..
like fuck sia..
think wad, ur so bloody handsome tt u need girl hu are like super hot, super pretty super everything..
pls ah, look at urself in the mirror and think again if u deserve a girl hu is pretty..
even those nerds have gf or bf and me?
no one..
no one wants me coz i am just way too ugly and fat for this guys..
-SOB SOB-

LOST

2009-01-16T03:55:00.000-08:00

i am at a total lost now..
everywhr i go i see happy ppl ard me..
all smiles and laughter..
jsut like me..
i am always smiling and laughing and making sure ppl ard me are happy..
but wad lies underneath me is full of shits..
i dun really noe wad's my future holds for me..
i noe i can't get into poly and i feel like i will once again disappoint my parents with my results..
like no matter how gard i've work my ass off just to prove to my parents and suister tt i can be smart, it just doesn't work..
i produce bad result and all i hear is my parents disappointment and my sister hurtful words, which really leaves a big scar in my life..
maybe coz of all those things tt she had said to me before has left a permenant mark tt will nvr go away and it's all true..
i just feel so super stupid, everytime when i feel like my parents are comparing me to her..
i noe my level of studies..
i'm just not like her hu studies like mad adn produce good result..
i nvr hear once coming from my mum or sister saying really good things abt me, when i get good result..
i dun go and start screaming at the top of my lungs saying i got an A for wadever subject i took..
i dun ever get to see my mum franctically calling ppl up just to tell her daughter in universitty got distinction for her result..
looking at how happy and proud she is abt my sister does leave me feeling super jealous and hurt at the same time..
they think me being in student council is just awaste of my time, effort and energy..
but they got no idea the amount of hard work, energy and dedication i've put into every event tt i'm involve with..
they dunno the ffeling of satisfaction i get after every event..
i didn't have the cahnce to tell them all tt coz they say tt i just a boot licker or it's not worth their time to listen to it..
it hurts me so bad but they dunno all this coz i nvr bother telling them..
coz wadever their comment they gonna give me will just hurt me so bad..
well, sc life is over and i am missing it coz i miss all the time i spend with my friends tt made me feel it's okie to make mistake and they are always there for me when i need one..
the most sickening part abt today is everyone is asking me if i have a bf or someone coming to me and telling me tt they either got a new bf/gf or they patch back with their bf/gf..
i mean i'm not being a mean bitch but i am very happy for them but me, myself is feeling the loneliness for not having tt special someone ard me..
maybe wad my sister say abt me is true..
tt i can't committe in any r/s coz..............
saying all this is making me wanna cry..
i'm just lousy in this..
she noes better than i do..
sometime she really makes me feel so small but she dun realise..
argh, annoying..
exams is coming up..
and i really wanna study hard for it..
no matter wad the result is i noe i have done my best..
but my best is nvr good enough for them..
-sob sob-

MISSING YOU!!

2009-01-14T06:11:00.000-08:00

how annoying can it be if u miss someone so bad and yet u can nvr confess it to him/her..
aiya, i dunno y but i just miss padi alot lately..
like i can't even msg him coz his pp8 is low and he is always busy with his skul..
yea, i noe poly life is not easy..
hmm, but i am upset tt he last min cancell our meeting last friday with him..
i was really looking forward to meet him and hanging and spend just a few hrs with him..
but i did ask him to go out with me this sat..
but i really dunno if he wants to..
-sob sob-
aiya, how???
i only get a chance to chat with on msn for like 5 mins..
tt is also
a very short conversation..
i only told him tt he wun look adorable if he were to cry..
haha, ya i noe it' lame but wad the hell..
den after tt done..
he needs to tutor a boy..
sigh!!
wad a bloody pathetic conversation..
i'm goin insane thinking abt him even though i told myself not oo..
must get him out of head..
i think i shall do tt by playing games onine..
tt shud keep me occupied..
hmm, i really am in no fit condition to run for my 2.4 km rum tmr..
i really am not looking forward for it..
all i noe is tt i want to go for ignite but i got no freaking idea hu is going..
if no one is going, den i think i just go for my run..
let's just see how first..
if falah doesn't returns back my calls, i shall go for my run den maybe i pop by to see the happenings..
hmm i miss my sc life..
now i feel quite bored everyday goin back hm str8 after skul..
but it's okie i'm still living..
aite, gonna play my game now..
done downloading it..

p.s: is it a sin to miss padi?

2009!!

2009-01-08T05:05:00.000-08:00

it's been really long since i updated my blog..
it's not tt i didn't want too just tt i was lazy..
2009 has alreay come and soon u realise tt it's gonna be 2010..
well, alot of shit happens..
esp with my love life..
it's getting suckier every time..
it's fucking irritating..
esp khai..
he is like a big time idiot..
at first he msg me telling me tt he doesn't want to be cheated and go through wad he has gone in the past..
but fuck he did tt to me man..
fucking annoying..
he went out with his work friend and started to have deep feelings for her..
oh mna, like i respect u for telling me but hello wad abt my feelings..
do u ever consider abt my feelings..
it is really hurtful but wad the hell..
life still has to go on..
i mean all i can do is to wish him the best of luck with her but i hope u dun come running back to me when things go wrong..
i HATE THOSE KIND OF GUYS!!
but i can just smile and i go on with my life..
but i'm still enjoying life as per normal..
but deep down i am hurting so much going through this shits again..
i think guys these days thinks tt we girls are toys..
like if u like it u buy den after awhile u throw them away..
like pls stop doing tt we are not a toy..
we are human being just like u, me and everyone else..
u hate being treated like a pieces of shit but tt doesn't mean tt u can do tt to me or any other girls..
tt is so not fair..
maybe it's just me..
being stuid and old skul as ever..
always want the guy to make the first move and not me..
till the guy finds another girl, i will suffer..
like i nvr get the opportunity to tell the guy wad's my feeling towards him and i will end up losing him..
but oh well tt's just me..
i've been woking for abt 2 wks now..
i mean work at oneheartbeat pte ltd..
doing admin work..
they pay $4.50 per hr..
it's still money to me..
i am so tired and wud like to slp and rest but it is so not happening..
my ca is coming up really soon and i haven't even studied for it yet..
i dunno wad's gonna happen to me..
but i have to catch up on it asap..
if not my result will go down the drain..
not easy for me to continue maintaing my GPA marks..
but i will study hard since it is my last sem..
haha, be graduating skul soon..
and i got no freaking idea wad will i be doing..
haiz, tak pe la..
take things one sep at a time..
new motto in life..

DAMN YOU!!

2008-12-18T02:09:00.000-08:00

fuck it man..
this is so bloody annoying..
in the morning i got scolded for something very small and my mum makes it inot a big story..
normal it's my mum..
if she doesn't turn the story like as if it's gonna affect the world den it's not her..
she even threw a bloddy cup at me which borke la..
she think it doesn't hurts but it does..
just tt i dun wanna show..
no point cryn=ing or retaliating back at her..
not gonna make any difference to her..
to her, wad ever she say is always right and wadever others say is worng..
damn annoying..
but i wun let her get to me..
wadever she say is not important to me..
and you, idiotic prince masai..
bloody hell make me wait for u the whole entire night for ur stupid call..
but i just receive a stupid msg saying tt ur slpin in early..
and out of the blue, u were at msn..
telling me tt u put urself as offline just so tt this girl ur chatting with wun bother u..
ike wad the hell..
den wad am i here for?
fun? joy? laughter?
shit sia, i always lend myself in this kind of situation..
and i hate it..
tt's y i dun want to fall for a guy..
maybe wad fizah say abt me is true..
god damn it, it's bloody annoying and irritating..
i am gonna make a statement which i think every girl in this world wud agree with me which is:
"NO MATTER HOW SWEET A GUY GETS, THEY ARE JUST NATURALLY BORN IRRITATING AND THE MOST ANNOYING SPECIMENS ON EARTH!"
urgh!!
talking abt it already pisses me off..
stupid piece of shit..
i feel like killing them, but u also need them..
oh well, it's just everyone individual luck on hu gets hu..
and all u lucky ladies out there hu has find their one true love, congrats, hope u and tt guy will last forever..
but for those hu are still seeking(like me) or not thinking abt getting one just yet, all the best in ur search..
maybe i shud open an organisation for women hu has problem with their men..
they can come once or twice per wk and share their problem..
haha, den tt wud be the greatest bitching and gossiping session in the wrold..
get on all the dirts abt these mens..
but wadever it is, i still miss him..
haiz, wad a very sad pathetic story of my life..
here we go once again..

p.s: damn u asshole!!

PRINCE MASAI

2008-12-16T07:05:00.000-08:00

i just can't stop thinking abt him..
i really dun wanna blog abt him but i can't help it..
my blog, my life, my story, my problem..
i really dun wanna get myself in the same situation as last time whereby i iike the person but he dun have tt kind of same feelings towards me..
i mean he's different from the rest..
u shud think ya all the guys same or i ended up witht he same type of guys but seriosuly he's different..
he's so sweet, sincere, kind, thoughtful and the most important thing is tt he's very respectful and honest towards me..
he doesn't hides his feeling or emotions towards me..
if he's not happy he tells me..
i really whr am i goin with him..
i dun wanna be lead on again and get myself disappointed..
i noe i'm only 19 and i still got long way to go but still i do need some one special company in my life..
i do wanna have wad the rest of the ppl other feels when they're with tt special someone.
holding their hands, getting a hug or a kiss or just simply enjoying each other presence..
i miss all that kind of feelings..
i really get tt when i was with "him"(no. 3 i think)
but with prince masai it's really different..
every moring he msg me something tt is really sweet tt wud just make my day..
nth can make me angry or upsets me..
like i wud be smiling for the rest of the day just recalling back his msges..
he's like the sweetest thing alife..
but i'm not so sure abt his feelings towards me..
i dunno wadever he says towards me is ture..
but he didn't even msg me the whole day..
i dunno wad he's up to or if he's goin cycling..
oh man, i hate to have this kind of feelings..
but wadever it is, i just wan things to go smoothly but in my life nth will ever go smoothly..
i just want to not havt his stupid loneliness kind of fellin deep down in my heart..
it sucks really big time..
even my younger cuz already has a bf or g or their own..
haiz!!
just my luck..
i'm not picky, just selective abt certains things..
is tt too much of me to ask??

p.s: i really miss him alot.. :(

POISON!!

2008-12-06T08:08:00.000-08:00

my words are always so poison towards my family..
everything tt comes out always seems wrong towards them esp my mum..
it is prefectly fine if brother were to say to her." mama GEMUK MCM BABI!!"
but when i say abit tt got to do with brother she gets so fucing angry..
tt is so fucking lame sia..
like wad the hell..
we're ur children dun have to show to us tt u love brother more than u love us..
like we're not 2 yrs old anymore..
malas ah wanna blog abt this..
too lazy to update my blog..

SHITS!!

2008-11-25T05:51:00.000-08:00

so many shits has happen to me within the pass few wks..
i've been really upset with so many things but i cover it with my smile and laughter..
only a few ppl noe wad i am feeling and how much i have been crying lately..
but the one i worry most is alep..
he has tumour in his stomach..
initially he didn't tell his mum but told me instead..
so today suppose to go for a check up but he refuses to go..
so doc called and came by to his house..
his mum is crying badly now..
like i really dunno wad else to say to him just so tt he wudn't do stupid things..
he said tt he wants to run away from hm and rather kill himself..
like hello are u bloody insane??
i told him tt he got his family and friends to support him all the way but i dunno wad's goin on in his sick head of his..
he looks so pale an in pain just now..
i can't get him out of my head..
i am just too worried for him..
i really dun want him to spend his life doing nth..
wasting his time doin things tt he will regret..
i wanna be there for him but if he refuses me to come close i really dunno how to help me..
dear god, pls help in this..
i dunno wad else i can do to make things better for him..
i just want him to have a wonderful life ahead of him with his family..
i already got so much on my mind..
i can't take it but i noe tt i can manage it but for how long?
my main concern is him..
he needs me more than anyone else..
i try to be there for him so much as i can and attend to him if i can..
i just hope tt he will get better..
i will pray for him everyday..
he needs all the prayer and well wishes he can get but it also depends if he wants to be treated..
stubborn boy..
HELP ME PLS!!

ESPLANADE ROOF TOP!!

2008-11-20T06:25:00.000-08:00

i had such wonderful time at esp roof top..

me, niah and fizah really got nth to do..

we took lame and funny pic..

den last resort, we make our very own video..

whahaha..

we're really tt bored..

and i got no idea wad song i was dancing/ interperting too..

haha..

but fizah and saniah was funny..

half way through reocrding, stupid banglah walk pass with his stupid cleaning trolley..

i had so much fun laughing till my jaw hurts..

we went to marina square pizza hut.

fizah belanja as usual..

tt girl got so much money on her..

but it was damn hilarious la..

and as usual i always make the order for this ppl..

i want all the photo and video tt i made..

i love going out with those 2..

always got stupid things to do..

the cutest thing was tt fizah brought along her tripod stand..

it's damn small and cute..

saniah look a little facinated by it..

haha

normal la si saniah..

but for the first time, she noe how to bring us to the roof top..

usually she is always lost..

she's like the tourist and we're her tour guide..

BY THE WAY, BUSHMEN CAME AND PERFORM AT ITE COLLEGE EAST!!

I LOVE BUSHMEN..

oh my god, they were fucking awesome..

izat really dunno how to appreciate reggae music..

they were fantastic..

mr bassist was damn cute..

mr drummer, was an awesome dummer..

he played till he was breathing hard..

they did an encore..

oh my god, i wud pay any amount to watch them perform again..

they rock the house down man..

i just feel like dancing to their music..

i think they're like the greatest band in s'pore..

okie la, i think i better stop here b4 i go any further talking abt them..

but mr bassist is damn CUTE..

*PEACE OUT*

DEPRESSED SHIT!!

2008-11-19T06:30:00.000-08:00

I noe tt i am not suppose to be depressed abt relationship but this things has been haunting me lately..
i can't sleepy properly after a few nights ago..
he is like making me having second thoughts abt him..
i really dunno wad i shud be doing with my life now..
like he keeps on thnkng tt i am still crazy over him but i'm not..
i got no freaking idea hwr in the world he gets tt stupid idea..
did my mail send out to him gave him the worng note..
maybe it does..
but i am seriously not crazy for him..
say only want to meet him today after skul abt 3 plus..
waitied for him still 5 plus..
stupid asshole and didn't even say anything..
swine..
but like i dunno ah..
i sat beside him and talk to him as per normal..
but his shoes looks like bowling shoe..
wahahah..
coz of soccer actually tt's y he came down..
i become the watergirl/ballpicker/P.S.D/massager/cheerleader..
wahaha, i had so many role to do..
coz like they need someone to do all those and they think i'm best for the job..
idiot all this boys, like to make fun of me..
but hey, i love hanging wiht this boys..
always makes me smile and laugh my ass off..
like wad happen btw me, yat, rashid and shahrul..
they are blody hilarious..
i laugh till my jaws were hurting badly..
i can't sit woth them w/o me laughing my ass of..
i just rmbr y am so bloody depressed abt r/s..
it's coz or the movie i watched today at aidil's lap top, ayat-ayat cinta..
oh my god!!
the movie is so bloody touching, fucking romantic..
if only really in real life i got fahir as my husband..
i am willing to change for the better and live happily with him..
but knowing tt 3 other girls are also in love with the same guy it hurt..
aisha is such a wonderful, strong and loyal wife towards fahir..
for those hu hasn't watch the show yet, pls i recommed u to watch it..
it's such an awesome and amazing show..
coz of tt show it makes me realise how important it is to find ut soulmate but it lies in the hands of ALLAH..
u can't force or rush or defy him on the plans tt he has already made for u..
all u have to do is to face it straight on and decide if u wanna take up the challenge or not..
oh well, life still goes on for me and taking it slowly even though it hurts to see things or knowing something ard u..
tt's just me, hope everyone else will have a happy life with their love ones..
*crying on the inside*

RELATIONSHIP

2008-11-18T07:01:00.000-08:00

i am still wondering hu will be my future bf/husband/soulmate..
coz this is wad been discuss between me, farahin and galvin..
for all u single ppl out there, dun u ever wonder hu will be ur future gf/bf?
dun u ever wonder how he or she looks like..
are they gonna be fat, slim, tall, short, fair, tan, drunkard looking, charming?
u alwasy have this so called dream guy or girl but do u ever wonder if u can ever find ur so called "mr perfect"?
every r/s tt u have fallen out is a lesson learn and from there u can start picking out the good points and the bad points of someone..
and u too can start forming the ideal guy/girl of ur dream..
so by picking out one or two positive and negative points of a person and try forming ur dream guy/girl..
an pls tell u if u found them..
maybe u can give me ur secret on how u find them or did u just realsie it instantly when ur eyes met each other for the first time..
honestly i am the very old skul kinda girl. whr the guy has to make the first move..
not me, i'm just too shy when it comes to this kind of things..
dun have the courage at all to even ask for his no..
talkin to him is another problem..
i will blush alot and get tongue tied..
like i dunno wad ot talk to him..
my palms start to sweat, i'll constantly touch my hair and i'll look else whr instead of him when i talk to him..
coz i get damn bloody nervous and frighten and shy..
eventhough ppl noe me as the super loud, noisy, no shy kind of girl..
but when it comes to the guy i really like tt's just how i am..
pelik tapi bernah..
i dun even noe if the spelling is correct..
haha, malay sucks..
so to all u single ppl out there, dun fret on this kind of things..
it's all in ur mind..
dun let ur mind take control over u..
learn how to fight it when u feel the urge on doing something..
if u think tt ur alone and there's no one out there for u and u feel like ur dying, slap urself in the face and say, "i am not weak w/o a guy/girl in my life, i got family and friends hu love me and shall live normally w/o any r/s to control me"
and all u women, hu are independent, throw ut=r hands above me..
haha, mcm pernah dgr je line tu..
wahahaha..
lame sia me..
but it is true, i dun need men to control my life..
acutally i hate being control by men..
i am a very strong independent woman hu dun need men to make me feel secure, safe, comfortable or need to have the urge of haivng someone to keep me company coz i got all those form my very own family and friends..
these ppl love me for hu i am and not they want me to be..
coz if u think u can change me to be someone tt i am not, ur so bloody worng..
i will nvr change for u, just so tt u can have and lead a happy life..
if the changes is for my own good den i will, if not boleh kirim salam sua..
i'll do the opposite of wad u want me to be..
i wun be the fool tt i used to be..
i got a brain of my own and i noe how to use it..
so u got no bloody damn right to tell me wad to do and wad i shud do.
coz i'll nvr listen to u..
okie i think today is my first and officially the longest entry ever..
haha, i can't believe it..
relationship has many and millions defination to many ppl..
but for me, now is just not the right time for me..
relationship is a big committment for me and i need time for it..
as of now, i'll enjoy my singlehood life till it last..
SINGLEHOOD LIFE ROCKS!!

p.s; i still love u k fizah even if i say all tt.. i noe u understand me..

FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN!!

2008-11-17T04:06:00.000-08:00

oh my god, i had such a wonerful time with him..

but i must admit tt i am very tired now..

he is so funny man..

it's been awhile since i met him or even spend my time with him..

coz he is always so busy with his problem tt he fgot no time to msg or call me..

but lately he has been msging me and calling me..

it's nice meeting him and a wonderful thing tt we shared..

haiz!!

oh i show u my tattoo tt i got ytd..

hehe, poor zat, bite me just now coz of the tattoo..

wahaha..

isn't it nice..

i really love it..

makes me wanna have a real tattoo but i dun think so it's possible..

not only will my faimly kill me and disowned me, zat too will kill me..

no worries i'll do wad's right for myself..

overall, i had a wonderful time with him eventhough it was tiring and only he will noe y..

hehe..

*peace out*

p.s: last round was the best.. *winks*

i just can't stop

2008-11-16T05:10:00.000-08:00

i just can't stop eating..
haha, hu cares right..
i think the food is all goin down to my ass..
it's getting bigger, ppl say so ah..
and my boobs i tink it's also getting bigger..
haha, y am i even discussing this on my blog?
lame sia me..
but today went to wild2 wet with my family..
my daddy's company ade family day..
only me and mamas went for the swim..
oh my god, the weather was superb for a tan..
very hot..
didn't even rain, allhumdulliah..
den i did air spray tattoo at my ankle..
haha, and izat got punk'd..
he acutally believe tt i got a tattoo for real..
boy was he angry when he tot i had myself a tattoo..
like he said,"i sendiri yang main baju tak ade tattoo, i ingat kan u such a nice girl tapi ade tatoo, i am so disappointed in u.. i fucking hae girls with tattoo, dun u ever talk to me again."
wahahahaha..
but i am glad to noe tt he is gonna stop main baju..
dunno wad he's gonna do to get out..
tt idiot acutally called me and make me swear if i really got a tattoo..
den i can't just swear like tt coz it be a very big sin to just swear..
so he was like, "oh my god, dun tell me u play a prank on me.. babi sia u, babi ah, tak baik sey, u totally make me lose my mood to work.. i ingat kan u betul2 buat tattoo, u kat mane skrg, i turon sane gigit u baru tau."
muahahaha *evil laughter*
oh my god, i had a good laugh after all he is always pulling a prank on me so this time i got him back good..
but i really want to meet him tmr..
i really miss him alot man..
okie nvrmx, tmr end skul at 12, i dunno wad i'll be doing after tt..
if not goin out with friends, maybe gi lepak kat sc rm ah..
update u soon if anymore stories occurs..
*peace out*

BLANK

2008-11-12T06:58:00.000-08:00

hello!!
i got nth much to blog actually..
my life has been good so far..
but i am goin out tmr with my gf to study..
haha, i dunno if we really are studying..
with them is a bit hard to study..
need to plan wad to wear..
see ya soon..

MEMORY CARD ADAPTER!!

2008-11-10T04:43:00.000-08:00

i badly need a memory card adapter..
i can't upload my investiture photo at all coz my lappy can't read my memory card..
shit la..
well today nth much happen..
suppose to stay back and do my accpac but stupid ms tan didn't even tell me wad to do and she wasn't even there at the calss todirest me..
stupid bitch..
i think she starting to see mine, saniah and fizah true colours..
she like treating us diferently than normally the way she treats us..
ahaha..
but hu the hell cares..
can always copy paste the work..
i got back hm abt 1 plus and the first thing i did was to disturb my mum from her sleep..
hehehehehe..
den i ate my lunch, which was instant mee poh dry noodles..
after lunch, went off the bed straight..
wah, it felt like heaven to me..
i selpt from 1.45 till like almost 5..
didn't want to wake up..
the weather was awesome..
oh ya, forgotten to tell u tt izat msg me first..
i got bloody shocked..
i'm not really sure if he really went back hm den go out again to lepak or he realy went back hm and sleep..
oh hu cares right..
he says tt he miss me..
aaawww isn't tt sweet..
my ass ah..
i dun really care tt much any more..
i'm just living my life normally like the way i always have w/o any guilt or wad so ever..
but i do wanna feel the presence of someone special in my life..
it can get kinda lonely sometimes..
when like ur all alone and looking at all the couple being happy and loving towards one another..
it sucks but life still continues..
but i do hope to find the right one..

p.s: dun dare to make me change the way i feel towards u now..

2008-11-09T06:15:00.000-08:00

this is wad i wore for my investiture informal part..

haha, make up and hair is all done by kazsim..

credits goes to him coz ppl say i look pretty and sexy with my black stocking..

haha, yes i wore stocking..

sayfiq said tt i look sexy..

like oh my, i'm sexy, oh thank u, thank u..

hehehe..

at last investiture is over..

i got a lot of my investiture photo tt has been uploaded yet coz i dun have memory card adapter..

my stupid lappy can't read my camera memory card reader..

den i will show u guys the 3 greatest shuffler on earth, syafie'e, micheal and fady..

i took photo with them indivually and as a group..

micheal is super cute and nice..

he got six pack and not shy to show it off, syafie'e i noe him since blaze camp but fady his a sweet heart..

even if i talk to micheal more and he always disturbing me, fady is still nicer..

he is the kind of guy hu can maki girls and i dun mind..

coz he dun hide anything..

sat with him after invesititure at the forum, drank all this water..

damn thirsty..

poor thing he sits alone..

micheal was with his gf, pie'e was with his friend so i layan fady la..

nice knowing him..

but i didn't ask for his no..

damn miss out on a good guy..

wahahah..

i hope to get his no from somewhr, maybe from suhaimi..

but need to make sure tt he is single..

ade gf, le kirim salam..

eeeww, i sound like minah, can slap my face..

*piak*

hahah, is this entry very long?

i dun think so la..

i noe others can have even longer entry than mine..

i still think mine is acceptable..

once i find tt memory card adapter, i shall upload the pic and show tot he whole world my pic with the shufflers..

i tell u u is fady, not good looking but cute enuf for me..

wear specs some more and can carry off the belbottom jeans..

i miss hanging out with them..

they are funny bunch of ppl..

oh well, all the best for mine and their future..

shit tmr need to stay back to catch up on my accpac..

FUCKING CB!!

p.s: u make me worry sick for but it nvr once everr paid being nice to u, u ungreatful son of a bitch.. i'm enjoying life without knowing tt i'm not hurting anyone or having restriction.. my life, my rules, my own problem.. and u bloody hell noe tt u can't stop me from doing wadever i want..

INVIESITURE!!

2008-11-05T08:45:00.000-08:00

tmr shall be my last official day being project ex-co..
den after tmr i'll be like super free..
i dunno wad i'll be doing after skul everyday..
i mean i used to lepak at sc rm after skul, sit, watch tv, play games, hang out with the sc ppl..
now tt my office term is gonna be over i think i'll be lost..
no more reason for me to skip class..
oh man, just now when a few of us stayed back in skul, i feel like crying..
the things we alk abt, the bond we had, the memories, the fight, the laughter, the tears, the anger, the everything tt we all had go through will be over..
it is so fast tt my office term is over..
i can still rmbr my time..
and untill now i rmbr wad desmond tells me,"ur the only one tt i trurst to take care of project, so promise me tt u will take care of project and bring it to another level"
those words still lingers in my head..
i dunno wad's gonna happen to the 5th batch of sc..
i mean u have to give them time to let them settle..
i can't slp coz i am very scared abt investiture..
afarid tt i'll wake up late..
afarid the show wudn't be a great one..
my heart beats fast knowing tt the time is coming soon..
i think i'll cry like a small girl..
knowing how sweet all my project babies ah..
i love them alot..
they're the one hu males me laugh,cry, angry, stress and even the ones hu make me fell ill..
but i really do hope the new batch can work together..
they're still new and has lots of things to learn..
slowly but surely they can pull through all the difficult times together as one big happy sc family..
but wadever it is, i'm always herefor them if they need my help in anyways..
but dunno if they wud even rmbr me or even come to me and ask for help..
it's getting late and i need to be in skul early..
so i guess i better slp now and get a good nights rest..
all the best for investiture SC!!

p.s: i just got my bloody period and it's hurting me badly, sucks man..wrong timing..

FOOD = LIFE!!

2008-11-02T06:37:00.000-08:00

everytime i eat food, i feel so happy yet at the same time guilty..
this is wad i call GUILTY PLEASSURE..
but hu can resist good food..
so before i start going back to gym starting next, i will whacked any food there is i can grab..
FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!!
i wanna tonn my body up..
wanat to slim down a little, build up a few muscle here and there..
tighten my butt and flatten my tummy and i'll be one hot sexy mama..
wahaha, ya right..
den now currently i just started using coslab cosmetic..
it cost me and my sister $187..
well, we really hope tt it will make my face be more pimple free and oil free..
plus have a flawless skin..
no make up is needed for me to impress guys..
coz i really believe in natural beauty..
and if guys really like me for hu i am, i must thank them..
but if they like me coz i wear make up den i dun think i'm suitable for him..
ala, y can't guys just take girls hu has natural beauty and see the inside not the outside..
must i dress to impress?
i am not like those typical young kids hu must dress to impress and attact attention..
kids this days..
oh well, i will always be myself, coz no point changing for someone else when ur not comfortable being in ur own skin..
this wk is gonna be such a hectic wk..
coz it's investiture wk and i so can't wait till it's over..
once it's over, going back to gym, jog and take care of my face..
once i'm all pretty, i will show it to the world and see hu will come back and beg me to be their gf..
wahahaha..
dlm mimpi ah..

p.s: i dun need u to make me feel whole agaain..

IT IS SO OVER!!

2008-10-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

finally i find out the truth on his inention..
his friend actually told me..
he said tt he only likes me as a friend..
coz i'm his "BEST FRIEND" and tt love can't be forced..
hu in the world is forcing u to be in love with me stupid..
the saddess part is tt i dun even feel so sad or upset or feel shity..
coz maybe i have gone through too many rejection and being made used off..
so now i dun even feel nth..
i just feel like myself..
happy, stress just feel me..
and i thank all u guys out there hu has made me into stronger and more independent girl tt i am today..
so now my life is back to normal..
i will continue dating more guys and pick hu is the best among the crowd..
wahahah, jahat eh..
no la i dun use guys a spare tyres like some girls wud..
well till now i'm not gonna find anyone and even if tt someone come and find me,
i wun want myself to land in the same kind of situation as i always did..
which is to be made use off or cheated or being rejected..
oh well, tt's just my very dramatic yet happening life of mine..
dun want to change any part of it even if i cud..
now it's time for let my hair down and PARTY!!
going out to study tmr and for the first time ever trying to understand cash flow..
wahahaha..

p.s: i can't totally stop myself from liking u, but i will slowly yet happily move on and continue with my life.. tt's a promise..

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!!

2008-10-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

oh my god, i really ate alot today..
morning when i came to skul and suppose to have a vidoe shoot but last min cancelled..
but thank god there was a lunch time performance..
so while watching the performance, went to cafe 2 bought hotdog and popcorn chicken..
sheik aka taufik has a voice of an angel..
when he sings, it sent cold sweat down my spine..
he's so melodic..
after being mesmerise by his voice, went up to sac, watch main huum na..
first time watch an hindustan movie and enjoy it alot..
it's so funny yet sad at the same time..
den after watching it, went to eat at cafe 2..
ate mee bakso..
it tasted like crap..
mama mask lagi mulia..
wahaha..
saw farhan while eating at cafe 2..
he look so pissed maybe his just tired..
only left with 44 more days to his competition..
tt boy complain tt he doesn't have the confident in himself..
haven't even start the competition and he says all tt..
i understand wad he has to go through coz of my brother..
alot of sacrifies needs to be done..
he packed himself, chicken breast and brocolli..
eeww, tt is like the most disgusting food combo ever..
the chicken is totally plain, no marination..
i look at the food makes me wanna vomit..
coz i see my bro eating it almost everyday..
but brocolli?!?!?!
i wud rather die den eat brocolli or any other veggie..
talkin abt veggie, i had dinner at habbibi seafood restaurant..
oh man, i wacked alot and didn't feel like vomiting..
ate, tom yum soup, kang kong sambal belacan, black pepper beef, ikan bakar and hot plate beancurd..
food tasted like heaven..
so awesome..
actually plan on not eating alot, but the food was to good to be resisited..
i think i shud stop eating alot..
but if it happens once in awhile it's perfectly fine..
coz after 6th nov, i'll be starting to go back to gym.
i wanna work out and have a healthier life w/o sc stressing up my life..
now i only left with skul and my band to stress abt..
the rest i can just relax..
but studies must come first..
ooo, i wonder wad i'm gonna eat tmr??
hmm, suddenly feel hungry but wun eat..
it's late already..
oh ya almost forgotten tt i bought creamy pasta for myself and younger brother..
been wanting to have creamy pasta..
and ytd i ate MAC & CHEESE!!
I LOVE MAC & CHESESE!!
I LOVE ANYTHING CHEESE!!

P.S: he called me first so now i'm gonna stay alittle while longer and see how it goes..
i can't stop myself from falling for you..

RRANDOM THOUGHTS

2008-10-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

"tak ingin ku melepaskan mu" is a very strong sentence in my life now..
coz i realsise tt i gave up to many guys in my life for a girl hu likes the same guy as i do..
i mean i'm not trying to be selfish or anything but i have always give in to other girls..
now i am trying not to give in easily..
i will hold on as long as i can till i get wad i want..
but i wun do nasty things to get it..
so i will fight for wad's mine..
but i'm not so sure abt him..
i duno wad's his feelings towards me..
i dunno how much more can i tolerate not knowing anything abt his feelings towards me..
it's sucks not knowing nth..
it makes me feel lost and confused..
i just dun wanna let go w/o knowing the other party's feeling..
y is it so unfair to me when it comes to liking or falling in love with someone..
it always gets so complicated..
bloody annoying..
like i feel there's something different in him now ever since he gets back from bintan..
maybe it's true abt him and tt girl..
but i dun want to think negatively..
coz it makes me feel sick in the stomach and feel like vomiting..
but if i really is true, den i have to just back away..
i can't stop someone from having feelings for the other person..
but i am praying hard tt it is so not true..
coz if it's true, den i'll really be HEARTBROKEN..
den he has broken his promise tt he has made to brahim..
so i will take things slowly dun wanna rush things to make him hate me or wadever..
coz today i went out with fizah to print out the stupid bookmark..
so we went shopping coz i was feeling super stress..
den i bought myself a 3/4 pants..
and i bought for him a cap..
i really didn't noe wad cap or hat to get him..
but when i went o ministry of clothing i saw a cap tt totally screams his name..
so i bought it for him..
i really do hope he appraciate it..
coz it come from the bottom of my heart..
and it's gift of appreciation from me to him for all the wonderful time and memories we had together..
only he noes wad i mean by tt..
hehehe..
i dunno when he gonna meet him so tt i can pass to him his cap..
coz if he wun meet me, i will not pass it to him..
so i am really hoping tt i can just spend one day with him..
i really miss him alot since he left for bintan till now..
but nvrmx must take things slowly..
i will update more random things now..
maybe tmr abt food or clothes or minah or mat or wadever..
something tt will make me laugh abt..

p.s: i miss u too much already..

INVESTITURE REHEARSAL

2008-10-28T06:43:00.001-07:00

today i did my high element..
i was scared i can't deny it but i was glad tt i did it fast..
but it just made my ankle worst..
especially the log..
it was so wobbly tt it hurt my ankle..
so it's swollen back again..
suppose to have lunch with bul but he woke up late..
so bloody annoying sia, but wad to do right..
so i met him in skul still and ate lunch at c1..
haha, it was so funny lookng at all the girls reaction when i walk in with him..
they all damn suprised and shocked..
haha, like i got a hot guy walking beside me and u dun..
after eating lunch with him when for rehearsal..
like oh my god..
it was bloody hot inside the auditorium..
no air-con..
stupid management wanna safe money, so no air-con..
was dying inside the audi..
still can play catching with saiful..
den it was so bloody hot tt i got a very bad headache and felt like vomiting..
i dunno wad's wrong with me..
i keep on vomiting every night and having headache every morning..
maybe i'm just bloody tired..
kamsani says i'm getting skinner..
i think he's blind..
hahaha..
next thurs will be a full day for me..
2 video shoots to do plus rehearsal..
argh!!
i seriously damn tired already..
counting down the days till investiture..

p.s: i like u still but u make me wanna give up hope on u..
dear god, pls show me a sign..

SECRETS OUT!!

2008-10-27T04:45:00.000-07:00

it's official tt he noes tt i like him alot..

coz thanks to brahim now he noes how i feel..

coz tt idiot let him read all of my msges tt i send to him..

he is such an asshole.

but eventualy he will find out sooner or later right..

well, now i dunnow hows my situation with him..

but i just wanna take it slowly..

but now he's not tt angry with me tt easily..

he treats me nicer and all..

coz brahim told him not to scold me and not to break my heart..

ya the only reason y he wun break my heart is tt nth will happen to the both of us..

it's as simple as tt..

the answer is right infront of me..

it's so obvious..

but he still doesn't noe tt i am gonna meet bul tmr..

aiya, wadevr happens, happens so i must tell him..

well, i dun want our freindship to be wrecked coz of this stuipid, "i am falling for u" thingy..

too much drama in my life already..

maybe my sister is right..

i shud just date guys nth serious..

coz i'm still young and have alot of time ahead of me to find my soul mate..

well, i think i'm taking things one step at a time..

wanna see my progress between me and him goes..

if something does happen i will be the happiest girl on earth, but if nth does, den i leave it all up to fate..

u can't really change ur destiny coz god plans everything for u..

may god gives me the strength to continue with my dramatic life..

i love god..

okie tt's random..

p.s: i still miss him alot..

took pic with my sister at fullerton hotel underpass ytd..

EMPTY!!

2008-10-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

his back in s'pore but makes no differences to me..
like his not even msging or calling me..
the only one hu is concern abt me is brahim, afiq and falah..
they the one hu regularly ask me if i'm feeling okie, taken my medicine or ask abt my mum..
they are very sweet ppl..
i am totaly giving up hope on him..
coz like no difference if i out in amm my hopes and dreams on him..
i dun wanna think abt this anymore..
makes me feel so sad and disappointed..
but i am looking forward to meet bul on tues..
goin out on a date with him for dinner..
plus i am riding his bike..
ginna feels his abs and all..
aaaahhhhh..
he is such a hot stuff..
i hope this wud make him jealous..
hehe..
can;t wait o see bul..

YOUR COMING BACK HOME!!

2008-10-25T06:08:00.000-07:00

YEAH!!

he is coming back hm tmr..

i really can't wait for him to come back..

i kept my promise of not talkin to brahim on the phone..
brahim wanted to call me last night but i made some

excuses so i wun talk to him..

hehehe..

but tt nabilah bitch is getting on my nerve..

idham da tergiler-giler kan si pompan sial tu..

tak tau ape ilmu dier da kai kat jantan bodoh tu..

eh y am i even talkin abt them..
he's coming back and i shud be happy right not angry..

mcm nak jumpe dier tu kan bskk..
hehe, nak hug and kiss dier..

hehehe..

tak malu nadz..

finally i got janji2 mu song in my mp3 and phone..

can listen to it as many time as i want w/o my sister saying anything..

well, just now went for a kenduri and i wear tudung..

ala ramai org kate i look manis or pretty..
ala mmg da manis pun..
hahaha, tak malu sia..
i already upload the pic to friendster and just wanna see ppl reaction..

hehehe...

p.s: i want him back hm fast..

MISSING HIM ALREADY!!

2008-10-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

This is very super annoying..
i am really trying my super best not to fall for him but this kind of feelings can't be helped..
ytd fight big time coz of some misunderstanding and i can't believe i cried abt it..
den thank god when i met him, he was feeling so much better..
i only get a chance to talk to him for like an hr..
i was with falah and him inside sc rm..
den like i can't even have an alone time with him..
i really tak nak fall in love with him coz i noe this is a one way feeling..
i noe he doesn't have any feelings for me..
nth more than just a friend..
i hate myself for falling for him..
i dun want to find myself in the same situation again..
he hasn't called or msg me for like forever i think..
msg him, he doesn't noe how to reply back..
i dunno wad's wrong with his brain of his sometimes..
maybe wad brahim said is true..
he cares for me but just as a freind nth more than tt..
like he is so stuipd, he didn't even take the hints of me wanting to meet him just now..
hang up the stupid phone so fast..
after a very long time, i had one stick for myself..
it felt so good..
but he doesn't noe tt..
bet he wun be bother if i even took it..
fuck la..
i noe he will enjoy himself over there when me here is stuck at hm thinking abt him and worrying for his safety..
well, i hope things turn out for the better..
I AM SO GONNA MISS U ALOT..
MISS U!!
MUACKZ!!

SECRETS OUT!!

2008-10-22T01:29:00.000-07:00

oh my god i can't believe tt i actually spilled out my own secrets to saiful..

it's so bloody maluating..

first, he saw the name tt i gave him and i didn't realise tt he saw it..

den nvrmx, he asked me a question den tt's when i spilled out my deepest darkest secret..

so now he's the only idiot hu noes my secret..

it is so unfortunate for me la coz i told him all tt..

but nvrmx, i trust him tt he wun tell him anything..

nvrmx, nth much to blog abt other den my blue black on my calf..

haha, syafiq is in skul today, they gonna have soccer training..

gonna layan him now and wanna see his reaction..

UR SO BUSTARD BITCH!!

2008-10-21T06:21:00.000-07:00

i think tonight i wil hvae the greatest sleep ever coz we're so gonna bastard nabilah..

tt stupid bitch actually thought tt izat is really in love with her and is willing to be with her?

like OH DEAR GOOD GOD NO WAY!!

only a fool like her wud use guys as their spare tyres..

i noe how it feels like to be a spare or make use of them..

i realise my mistake and nvr wanna do it again..

will u seriously die if u dun have any guy in ur life to make it more fun and xciting?

like there are so many things tt u can do other chaniging guys like ur ghanging underwear..

so today we're gonna end everything.

and i actually have to type out the msg..

like coz my english is way better than putting the 3 fools together..

but i hope it doesn't sound too complicated..

but it is really damn funny la looking at how our drama progress..

this is really exciting..

coz i didn't put my name in the msg, so i confrim u tt she either gonna call or msg me..

hahah, i so can't wait to hear her reaction..

i just wanna say to her, "HA IN YOUR FACE BITCH!!"

i so can't wait for all this to end..

i think i stop updating for now..

after i noe everyhting, i'll update again so i can tell the whole world on her stupid reaction..

MUAHAHAHAHA!!

lyrics of janji janji mu..

2008-10-20T04:17:00.000-07:00

Sejak ku mengenali mu,
Wajah mu selalu dimata ku,
Ku berikan sepenuh hati ku,
Kepada mu oh kekasih ku,
Tapi kau meninggalkan aku...

Kesepian malam ini,
Membuatku teringat kembali,
Memori indah kita bersama,
Tak mudah ku melupakannya,
Untuk selama-lamanya..

***Chorus***
Kau pergi tanpa kata-kata,
Ku fikir hanya untuk seketika,
Rupanya kau meninggalkan ku,
Untuk selamanya...
Tak ingin ku melepaskan mu,
Kerna kau masih dihatiku,
Pulanglah wahai kekasih ku,
Jangan tinggal kan aku..

Sinaran dimata mu,
Dan alunan merdu suara mu,
Ku menantikan semua itu,
Datang kembali kepada ku,
Seperti dulu..

Keresahan dihatiku,
Pabila memikirkan dirimu,
Kembalilah kepada diriku,
Sudi ku menerima mu,
Membina hidup baru...

Repeat ***Chorus***

Dimanakah setiamu,
Dimanakah janjimu,
Kau berjanji sehidup-semati,
Mengapa kini kau mungkiri,
Janji-janji mu kasih....

JANJI JANJI MU!!

2008-10-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

i am officially in love with this new song titled, " janji janji mu"
dear good god, if only he is really infront of me, i WILL HUG AND KISS THEM
they are like the hottest shit on earth for me..
but aryl is like FUCKING HOT WITH HIS SEXY AND HEAVENLY VOICE
I just can't stop myself from listening to their song..
i am so in love with both the song and aryl..
if zat noes this, he kill me i'm telling u..
haha, i dun even mind giving it up to him, his voice just melts mt heart out..
wanna noe wad song?
i giVe u the link and die2 must listen to the song..
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Byzf00B_7-w&ytsession=70OBKIGXHt-xPXVXKljofFLaHI8ONlyRqWH62S8vhVRaIY-sMfcjco2gb4-69_baS0ilWKct-CLLtV_3JsdaY1ZY9LDswjleicOqEXwxhY0pwSzEESlthEMusZ7OpCCrjR3InvZBo2MLRUrOja4TQ1CT_9jaNTYaIXuluOC_iRl1Ko3-8OVLogGiPQZbG-WXZ8Gqv2ClNJ6taAcNwpn_3qY0P-fpkUoY2NqrHB5QlpAMQAQ2Sh_Qnxxv2JOjiXvr
may look freakisly long but it's worth it..
i am going to uncorrupt my file and send it to my phone, so tt i everynight i will listen to it..
argh, i can't stop listening to it at youtube..
and i am still trying to find the song at imeem..
i will not rest till i have tt song both in my mp3 and phone..
i have nvr felt so hot in my whole entire life b4 just by listening to a song and looking at them sing..
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!
can i like marry him if i have the choice??
okie i sound like a psycho..
but he send cold sweat down my spine..
ORGASM!!
okie i'm done with them..
haha, i sprained my ankle today at my house carpark..
it was a bloody loud crack..
and tmr i'm gonna jln raya..
i dunno how am i suppose to survive with this ankle for one whole bloody day..
confrim gonna be swalloned like fuck..
but nvrmx.
i really want him to follow me tmr..
coz if he does, den me and him are gonna be wearing black together.
hehe..
i'm just hoping and praying tt he will come and paitao tt STUPID BITCH!!
HAHA, i sound like a bitch myself..
but hu cares, every woman for her man right??
wahahaha..
okie gonna listen to the song till he calls me and gonna continue listening to it till i fall asleep..
I LOVE ARYL!!

MELT DOWN OF MY LIFE..

2008-10-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

I am officially at the end of my road..

i am so sick and tired of guys making use of me..

can't they see tt i just wanna have a decent r/s and have a simple life..

i dun ask for riches or wadever..

i just want u to be there for me when i need u too..

is tt too much for me to asked??

it is such a disappointment when the guy u really like is not really bothered abt u..

like u care for them so much, willing to sacrifise a few things here and there but they are nvr appreciative abt it..

den when u asked just a small favour from them, they get so worked up abt it..

AIYA MEN AH, FUCKING ATTITUDE AND ASSHOLE BIG TIME!!

so hard to find a decent man out there..

if there is, it's either their taken or gay..

let's just forget abt all this man situation..

tmr will be damn hectic day..

after lesson at 3, i nee to rush all the way to REDHILL, going to SIA MINDS centre for my video shoot for berwin final yr project..

thank god it's only 2 days and thurs no skul at all..

and i am goin to watch movie with tt swine i think..

dunno la..

so i am at my melt down..

looking at couple real life an on tv is making me feel like so fucked up abt everything..

and i even cried when i noe i am not suppose to at all..

coz it just shows tt i am weak w/o any guys..

but i noe i am a very strong girl hu can and will survive w/o any men..

when i am a very successful woman, become a somebody in the community, tt's when they all start crawling back to me and ask me to take them back..

tt's when i am just gonna say, "HAH IN UR FACE U FUCKER!"

den tt's when they gonna regret treating me like a pieces of shit and will forever be guilty for the rest of their life..

forever now u will hold ur peace, amen to tt..

yea, i'm gonna work next wk baby, at least i have some income coming in..

dun really have to depend on my mum anymore..

but i still need my monthly allowance..

oh i already crop my hari raya photo and i think i look so like an old skul minah from the 60's..

MENSE!!

2008-10-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

It's the stupid time of the mth again where we ladies has to go through..
but y guys are so bloodY insensitive towards us..
dun they think tt we have feelings?
it's not tt we purposely want to have mense right?
it's not like as if they go thru it to tell us wad to do or feel right?
BLOODY IDIOTIC MORON!
y can't they just tell us, "u dun worry k, i'm here for u, if u feel the pain, just let it out on me" or "no worries i'll do my best to make things better"
but bloody hell they are just so stupid to not noe all this..
i really hope tt one day the can get thru all this pain we ladies have to go thru..
CB!! FUCKING ATTITUDE!!
am i tt picky?
like wad the hell u got no right to tell me tt i'm picky..
trying having guys hu wants to be with u coz of sex..
those SEX= R/S?
can someone explain to me all this..
honestly i am super sick and tired of my single hood life..
i wud love to go out, hold my bf hands, show him to the crowd..
but tt is so impossible coz there's no one hu swept me off my fucking feet..
most of them are all abt sex or their bloody stupid..
good god, come on..
give me a decent guy to spend the rest of my life with..
but is tt too much to ask for..
i guess in my context it is..
oh man, it's just pure luck for me..
but nvrmx just have to be patient..
i think i off my phone..
i wanna see if anyone got msg me..
if not, den i totally give up in finding someone for myself..
i dunno how long i will be staying single till..
FUCK GUYS!! WE CAN AND CAN'T LIVE W/O THEM..
FUCK!!

BORED!

2008-10-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

it's a holiday and i am not even going out and enjoying the last few days of holidays..

this is so bloody boring..

i can actually go out and meet up with him but ene if i can, he can only meet me abt 5 or 6 and i have to go back ard tt time..

stupid idiot..

and the best part is my mum is having and open house.

all my mum noes tt everything ust be ready perfect..

the cleaning and washing must be done by me..

hello, i'm a human being too..

need to rest and mingle with ppl..

and i'll be having band in the morning, i'll be more tired than u are..

u just have to leave all the mess to us, go inside ur room, shower, den go to sleep..

whr me have to work my butt off just to clean everything..

all u oe tt everything ust be clean for u..

but if it's not u will scream ur lungs out, cb!

so bloody unappreciative bitch..

i invite my friends but not so sure if their coming..

but i hope bul will come tmr..

coz if he will than i'll be the most happiest girl on earth..

so now i am doin nth other than bloggong and will be playing some online games later..

my life is such a bore..

haiz!!

-peace out-

MY ANKLE!!

2008-10-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

best, today wud be the last day for this week to go out and jln raya..

i am officially damn exhausted..

my ankle is killing me badly..
my collection is seriously not bad at all..

but i wanna keep it in my bank account before i start spending all of it..

me and roslee are getting along very well, but maybe i wanna buy new clothes for his pop..

i'm like shortage of clothes..

so i wanna shop tmr..

and also i need to buy my sister her buy belated b'day gift.. isn't he just adorble?

i dunno wad to buy for her..

but going out tmr at 3 plus..

so late dunno if my mum allows..

but i really need to go shopping, maybe shud ask fizah ah..

hehe..

at last i can upload all my photo from her camera.

gonna put it at freindster and facebook..

TIRED!!

2008-10-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

black just means class

my sweet lovely family.. love u guys..

This is only the 4th day of hari raya an i am officially tired..
i can't seem to decide on wad to wear this morning when i wanna go jln raya.

my mum and sis are having such a hard time with me just to convience me to wear wadevert he choose for me..

it's just me from young till now..

nvr change.

if i dun like it, it seems i really dun like it..

i wud sulk and not be happy abt it, till they pick something i like..

hahaha, it's fun actually to see them coaxing me and evrything..

oh ya i have lots of raya pic to upload..

they're just fabulous..

especially my family pic..
tt's only like 3/4 of the ppl there i think..
it's actually alot more..

but due to certain reason this is wad my family is but i still love them to bits..

me the babies among the five..

kak umi, sha2 and me

2nd day..

2008-10-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

today is the 2nd day of raya..
but i really enjoyed myself ytd when my mum side came over and celebrate raya at my hse..
damn kecoh and packed..
if u turn to ur right, u face someone faces, u turn to ur left face somebodys butt..
so basically it's super packed but the armosphere was amazing..
i just so love my mum side alot..
my uncle's, aunty's, cuz, niece and nephew..
i dunno wad wud happen to me if they're not ard..
we took alot of pic but my cuz haven't seen me yet..
plus my stupid lap top doesn't read my camera memory stick..
so no pic to upload yet..
today went out with my dad side..
dear god, it's damn boring and hot..
i'm like the black sheep among the whites..
their face make up is bloody damn thick and fake..
so white, it's so fake..
they constantly taking pic of themselves and i'm not even there..
like they didn't invite me or like they pretend tt i'm not there..
but wad the hell..
they have to try so hard just to make themselves look pretty but i dun have to..
i have nautrally beautiful face, so i ya..
okie la some houses tak dapat duit but some hses i receive but the rest tk dapt..
hahah..
on the 24th of oct, my ex is having his POP and he wants me to go..
and the best part is tt he wants me to go wih his mum..
like oh my god, i will die if i were to go with his mum..
he wants to intro me to his mum..
like hell no..
i dunno if i shud go or not..
he has an extra ticket so he invited me..
so now i am stll thinking if i shud go or not..
HELP ME SOMEONE PLEASE!!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!

2008-09-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

first of all, i just wanna wish to all my muslim friend, SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN..
it is so fast, one mth of fasting is gone and now we're celebrating syawal..
it's scary knowing how fast time files..
but wadever it is, i just wanna mintak maaf to everyone hu i have hurt driectly or indirectly..
1st day my family will come over to my hse as my grandparents from my mum side already passed away..
i really can't wait to meet all of them
i miss them alot more than i miss my cuz from my dad side..
i can't wait to strut in my glamourous black old skul kebaya baju..
man, i gonna look so hot..
haha, right, wishfult thinking..
well i msg roslee jus now..
and to my suprise he actually shifted hse w/o even telling me..
from bdk res just a skul away from my hse, he now shifted to macpherson..
tt's far..
it wasn't an akward situation till he told me tt " letting me go was the most stupiest thing he ever did," and he doesn't noe y his telling me all this..
and all i cud do was to blush..
like oh my god, a guy saying tt to me is like a major thing..
tt's a real man, real man are not afarid to to tell ppl abt wad their feelings are..
i feel them honoured yet malu also..
his like 1.79 and i'm like 1.53..
he's like the queitest guy i've ever met and i'm like the most noiest girl on earth..
we're like 2 worlds apart but yet somehow or rather it was nice haivng a guy like him ard..
i really dunno whr this will all end up..
me being single and hopeless vunverable to any guy tt comes along..
hope this syawal will bring new light and meaning to me..
maybe i will find or maybe i wun find someone to share my life wiht for the rest of my life..
but i wud really love to get married and have kids of my own..
but it's fine, i'll wait till loves comes find me..
and i am ready to jump in immediately..
okie la maybe not immediately but am willing to try..
gonna collect money soon, so i see ya guys ard..

p.s: send like a mail to syafiq, hope things are gonna get better

EVE OF RAYA!!

2008-09-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

if u are bored waiting to draw out money from the atm machine, this is wad u can do..

take a picture while waiting, like the one on top..

or pretend to mend a stall till the owner says something..

well, tt's wad i did while wating to draw out money with my sister at gelyang just now..

queue was damn bloody long..

it was damn hot plus the ppl there are like u noe wad..

i met him for awhile just now..

but it was stupid..

it was the same as me not meeting him..

meet him, he smoke, talk to his friends more than he talk to me..

super waste of time i;m telling..

i was like excited to meet him and everything but it turned out tt way..

stupid, khundi..

but i shall not be upset abt all this coz tmr is HARI RAYA!!

i really can't wait for it..

it's only me and my younger collecting money this yr..

haha, ppl still think i'm in sec skul so i got more chance than ever to collect money..

tmr gonna be the longest day ever..

coz i'll be cooking and cleaning the whole entire hse, before break fast..

tired?? yes defintely but the atmosphere and feeling is so wonderful when u noe tt it is finally here.
but i think it's all worth it..

tmr i shall send mass e-cards to all my friends..

haha, i really wish i cud meet up with all my gfs..

i really miss them alot..

hope they are doing find..

i love u girls..

-peace out-

dare to dream..

2008-09-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

i wonder wad it feels like to be a part time model..

i this sounds very random but i was just wondering..

coz i was like watching ordinary ppl having make over and have a very nice new clothes, hair and even make up done for them..

and they look totally B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.

but can this pic even pass thru the first person hu sees it..

imagine being pampered, ppl praising u and evrything is planned out for u..

haix!!

will it ever happen to me?

maybe not, just in my dreams..

speaking abt dreams..

i dreamt abt me being syafiq koyak wife last night..

wahaha..

i dreamt tt i had kids with him

2 of them

one boy, one girl..

both very handsome and pretty..

our marriage was bissful one..

there are arguments but everything else was like reality..

it felt so real but it's only a dream..

i think there's nth worng to dream abt all this but it's if u wanna make it happen or not..

but i wud love to have husband hu a has good religion back ground like him..

not too bad looking, nice muscle to touch and not tt tall for me..

good personality, charming, able to win my heart, talktative..

if tt man comes knocking on my door, i must not let him go tt easily..

i must treasure him..

k better continue dreaming and hopefully find one like him, i mean the one in my dreams..

gonna continue praying to god tt my mam will come eventually..

-peace out-

what?!?!

2008-09-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

i think some guys are just natural born idiot..

they dun noe the difference of masing me after work or msging me during work..

damn ass la..

den wanto get angry all abt it for wad?

already said msg me after work and still can't read simple english..

but nvrmc wun let him make me angry..

well today i cook for buke..

yeah!!

and for the first time after along time tt food is finished..

they love my food tt i cooked..

i cooked mee goreng today..

if my mum says tt it's nice, it means it's really nice..

i dun believe the rest if they say it's not nice, coz some ppl just dun have tongue..

but anyways they still love it..

yeah!!

and i'm in love with this new website, PHOTOFUNIA!!

oh my god they have toe coolest things there..

u can edit ur pictures and make it look so real..

so cool, awesome..

like the pic at the top..

hehe, well i'm still counitng down the days till hari raya..

but i dunno if it's a bad or good thing abt 1st day at my hse..

it means, many ppl and also money coming in for me..

YEAH!!

but i'll be damn tired at the end of the day..

but i'm still looking forward for hari raya..

wish u guys all the bset..

peace!!

HELLO!!

2008-09-26T05:51:00.000-07:00

yes at last i created my own blog after such a very long time..

i mena i have other but tt is just meant for me..

that is for the more personal things tt happen in my life..

only tt journal will noe wad happen..

well, me is just busy busy busy with all the preparation for hari raya..

baking kuih, cleaning the hse..

damn tiring..

but i noe all this will pay off on the eve of hari raya when the last object is placed and the house will look diff..

i can't wait for it..

i am counting till the last few hours..

life other than staying at hm and cleaning hse si turning upside down..

i just got too many things to think, handle and sort out..

but i am taking things one step at a time..

there's no need for me to rush things..

coz no point taking drastic measure and end up haitng it..

hehehe..

finally i got my own lappy, actually it was my sister's but she got herself a new mac book..

so now it's offically mine..

but prob my bro using it everyday.

annoying brother..

but tt's the whole entire point of having siblings right, it's to irritate one another..

i miss FATIN, FIZAH, SANIAH AND SEHA..

they are the nicest ppl on earth tt u can ever noe..

i can't wait for skul to start and we can also start our nonsense..

hehe..